This is a really frustrating question for women. After all, why would a strong, smart, successful man want a woman who wasn’t equally smart and successful? Wouldn’t he soon get bored and restless? Wouldn’t he feel limited by a less gifted woman’s inability to keep up with him? Why can’t men see what’s under their noses?
Let’s turn this question on its head. Do you have any male friends who are indisputably nice guys? And are you dating one of them?
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to both questions, then your life is probably set fair for the future. But you’d certainly be unusual. Lots of genuinely nice guys are just as frustrated as you are, and just as puzzled about why the women they know, who constantly tell them how nice they are, don’t want to date them.
And why don’t you want to date them? Isn’t it because, although they are intelligent, kind and lovely company, there’s no sexual chemistry between you? The thought of meeting up with them doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach. You never look at them and wonder what it would be like to kiss them, get close and physical with them; spend a whole night with them on which sleep was right off the agenda.
The Secret of Attraction
Somehow they just don’t stimulate those kind of thoughts in your primal brain. And why is that? It’s because their masculine energy is weak, or even non-existent. Being in their presence doesn’t make you conscious of being with a man, a male, a member of the opposite sex. They don’t make you think about sex, or lust, or desire. They just make you feel good, and comfortable, and relaxed. Of course, that’s great, and you love them for it. But it doesn’t make you fantasise about them.
The truth is that the qualities that make up your personality and character have both upsides and downsides. And I don’t mean that some qualities people have are great, and some are awful. I mean that there are good and bad aspects to the same qualities. Let’s expand on this a bit.
Being kind, for instance is a lovely and endearing quality, but sometimes kind people allow others to impose on them too much. As a result they can feel drained, but upon and undervalued.
Being charming is another quality that draws people, but charming people can also be manipulative.
Being clever and able can turn into arrogance.
Being charismatic can turn into hubris (very common among politicians).
What I am saying here is that your good qualities, the ones that should be attracting men to you in droves, can also be the ones that are driving them away. Just as with nice guys, your strength and success may be winning men’s admiration as completely as it is failing to attract them.
The Difference Between Masculine and Feminine Energy
The truth is that men do like smart, sassy, feisty women. But when you project these qualities as a challenge to men, they will respond in kind. They will feel themselves to be in competition with you. And they will want to win.
In other words, they will respond to you in the same way they would to another man.
Just as you tend to treat those lovely guy friends of yours as if they were your girlfriends, so men will treat you as they would their mates. Result: they think you are capable, competent and challenging. But they are not attracted to you.
Just as you are sexually drawn by masculine energy, men are drawn by feminine energy. This doesn’t mean having to play dumb or submissive; no strong, intelligent man wants a woman like that. But if you project masculine qualities when you are with him, he will respond in kind. Not to try to win would be to feel himself being emasculated, weak and powerless. And there is no bigger turn off for any man.
Just as you want to feel beautiful, intelligent, attractive and desirable, so a man wants to feel strong, smart, important, sexy, funny, and heroic. You want a man to be taller, stronger, tougher, funnier and wealthier that you, but men are looking for something quite different. They are not looking for a man with breasts. They want the things they don’t have themselves and can’t get from their mates; warmth, kindness, softness, compassion, femininity.
Men want to feel needed, and that they can contribute something to your life. They don’t want to feel criticised, pressured, micromanaged and undermined. Demonstrating that you are fine, thank you very much, and there’s nothing you can’t do for yourself doesn’t leave much room for a man to feel heroic. It will simply make him feel that there’s no place for him in your life, and that he won’t be able to make you happy.
And if a man doesn’t think he can make a woman happy, he won’t want to be with her.
Show Your Feminine Side
So don’t lose touch with your feminine energy. As a working woman, you will often need to call on masculine traits to get on in your career and succeed. But don’t carry that mindset into your ‘downtime’. Stay in touch with your true feminine self, so that you can BE yourself when you are not being challenged to be something else.
When you show your feminine side to men, being playful, original and open to love and life, men will see your femininity and be drawn to you. They will see you as an attractive WOMAN. They will want to be with you.
The nicest and most natural thing you can do is to really ENJOY being a woman. And what greater confirmation could there that being a woman is the best thing on earth? Isn’t that, as a strong, smart, successful woman, what you really believe?
